So there I was, Waiting in a boat. Waves crash by and shake the boat, the wind smacks my body. We grip our hands tightly on any steady edges and hold tight. It is late into the night and torches flash around like lasers, far away into the distance we see a lighthouse that shines brightly over the water giving a tiny bit of hope. The captain is steering wildly trying to send us back to where we came from. The boat stops abruptly and I almost lose my grip, the captain shouts that we have ‘crashed into rocks’ that the lighthouse failed to show. We have to climb out and walk along the pointy sharp rocks that prick my hands and feet. I can smell the salty sea and taste the tangy air.
You have thought really carefully about the words you used here Lily. I really got a picture in my mind as I was reading, and that picture really made me want to keep reading. To get me even more involved in this description, give me some clues about the character speaking and why they are there.
ReplyDeleteHi Lily, you've done a great job at building the anxiety of the scene. I can feel your character's desperation as she looks to the lighthouse for hope. The words 'smack', 'prick', 'tangy' help to to picture the force of the winds and sea. Beautiful writing!
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